


Pan/ace solidarity

by klatukatt



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Banter, F/F, someone gets shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 06:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19126855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klatukatt/pseuds/klatukatt
Summary: Your two favorite immortal murderers finally meet.





	Pan/ace solidarity

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: If you tried to read this before and came across some Interesting Formating I apologize. This is why you should always preview before posting.

_I am in hell. I am in hell. I am in hell. I am in hell._

That’s all Deadpool could think, until suddenly he wasn’t.

“I am in paaaain.” That’s what he tried to say but his mouth was still frozen shut so what came out was “hhhhh mmmnnnn prrrrrrnnnnn.”

“Shit. It’s moving.”

“What’s the timer at?”

“It doesn’t count until they start talking.”

“You just don’t want them to beat your time, Brian.”

They sounded British. Good thing his ears started working first. Maybe his eyes would unfreeze before his tongue, but unlikely. Eyes are a bugger to regenerate. Deadpool tried to laugh but that made the pain worse.

“Aurora didn’t pick up any signs of metal,” said a clearly Russian voice.

“Aside from the swords, and the guns, and the ammo—”

“You know what I mean. No Mechanical parts.” The stress on the word gave the group standing over Deadpool pause.

“Well, they’re still clearly immortal.”

“That doesn’t mean they’re hostile.”

The group laughed heartily. Deadpool could appreciate that.

“But they areeee—“ said someone stalling for time “—not going to beat my record.”

“Ooh! I think mine was next,” came a high pitched voice.

Deadpool could feel his tongue finally and debated giving it more time but couldn’t resist. “Sorry to put you in third, pal.”

He could hear a soft “aw nuts” behind the very loud and pointed sounds of guns cocking.

“What’s my time?”

Someone chuckled. “Eight minutes, twenty three seconds.”

“Wow! That is good for being frozen solid in deep space. But obviously you guys already know that. Scuse me while I adjust myself.”

Deadpool reached down and grabbed his crotch, eliciting an “ugh” from one of them, and used the distraction to get a look at the crew. The two guys standing over him had guns drawn, antique looking pistols; one had a long leather coat and both had large goggles on their head. The others were wearing a variety of vests and hats in dull and dark colors (with too many belts, in Deadpool’s opinion) except for one in the back who wore a pristine blue uniform. They all had weapons, of course, including one brandishing a zippo?

“Who are you working for? Who are you with?” asked the one with the lighter, which somehow intimidated Deadpool more than the guns.

“I am currently unaffiliated.”

“But you  _are_  immortal.”

“Kind of. I can heal from anything so I guess that counts.”

“Prove it,” barked one and immediately shot Deadpool in the thigh. Deadpool yelped.

“Ooooh, that leg hadn’t unfrozen yet. Now I’ve got a shattered femur to deal with. Is that enough proof? Does the whole ‘picking up a corpse in space and thawing it like a goldfish’ mean nothing to you, space cowboy?”Deadpool whined at the one who shot him.

“Pirate. We are the Mechanisms, a band of immortal space pirates.” He holstered his gun. “Welcome to the Aurora.”

The rest of the crew put away their weapons and wandered off looking bored. By the time Deadpool had sorted out his leg and stood up he was alone with Mr. Shooty.

“So, Mr. Shooty, are you guys hiring? I know my black and red doesn’t really match the aesthetic you all got going on, but I could get into the steampunk look.”

He snorted. “Not bloody likely. Our crew has a particular bond and we don’t welcome in just any immortal bastard we find lying around.” He held out a hand. “Jonny d’Ville.” A slight pause after Deadpool took it he continued: “Captain.”

“First mate,” came the Russian voice, distorted by the intercom. “Honestly Jonny, you should know better by now.”

“Yes thank you, Nastya.”

“No problem. Always happy to correct you, Jonny.”

Jonny sighted and turned to Deadpool. “Nastya is our engineer, and a snoopy one at that. She only gets away with it because Aurora gets sulky without her.”

“Aurora, like, the ship? She’s banging the ship? Nice!” Deadpool held up his hand for a hight five but Jonny rolled his eyes in disgust. “Don’t tell me you disapprove of bio-mechanical relationships.”

“I— am not interested in anybody’s ‘relations.’”

“Sorry man, didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. So, what do you do for fun if you aren’t out searching the galaxy for naïve but curious sexy alien beasts?”

“We kill things.” Jonny’s scowl had not lessened.

“Well, I am 100% down with that.” Deadpool started backpedaling furiously. “Hey, wanna hear about the time I was low on ammo and had to kill fifteen guys with only ten rounds?”

That made Jonny smile.

 

 


End file.
